Stop giving this advice.

Idol worship, putting someone or something above God, has always been a problem in the church. Ironically, while Moses was being instructed to put no other gods before the one true God, the rest of the Hebrews were busy worshiping a golden calf they had made themselves (Exodus 32). Golden calves aren’t very common today, but there are definitely things receiving the devotion which should be reserved for God alone. One pervasive idol found in the church today is marriage.

Marriage is an earthly picture of God’s love for humanity and a vital part of the nuclear family, which I believe is invaluable for the healthy development of children as well as our civilization’s survival. The Bible clearly agrees that healthy marriages and children are blessings (Gen. 1:28, Prov. 18:22, Psalm 127:3-5, Prov. 17:6). In marriage, of course, devotion to your spouse is imperative to the relationship’s longevity. Scripture, books, sermons, and other teachings rightly explore how to best portray the love God has for the church in such a relationship. Problems arise, however, when marriage is valued more than one’s relationship with the Lord, or when seeking a spouse is prioritized over following God’s calling on your life while single.

A fairly prominent Christian influencer recently posted this on social media, “Get married and have children.” While God’s Word clearly agrees this advice is appropriate at times, I don’t believe posting a blanket statement to millions of people whose lives are unknown to you is wise or helpful. I’m sure influencers and others who give this advice mean well, but more often than not, this statement is incomplete at best. Before offering such guidance, it’s best to know some details about what the person receiving the advice is going through. The counsel in question, for example, shows a lack of empathy for widowers, divorcee’s, those currently in abusive marriages, and infertile couples. Asking single people why they’re still single, as if it’s certain they won’t be for long and that they must be lonely in the meantime, is also unnecessary. The truth is, not everyone is going to get or stay married. As we’re reminded in Proverbs 16:9, “The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” The reality is, we have no idea what God has planned for our own future, not to mention the future of someone else. We should not pretend we do.

The vast majority of young Christians are wanting to get married; they don’t need anyone to tell them to do so. Most not only have an innate desire for marriage, but also secular pressure to have a partner, familial pressure to marry, and FOMO from seeing their peers marrying. Desires and pressures abound without social media posts chiming in. Better advice would be to seek God with all of your heart, mind, and strength. Better advice would be to only date someone who is actively seeking God daily and to be someone that type of person would want to date. Better advice would be to not waste your season of singleness, especially because you don’t know how long it will last.

Singleness is often treated as synonymous with loneliness or a “season of waiting.” The Bible discredits this way of thinking. 1 Corinthians 7:32-34 explains the benefits of singleness. To be able to focus on prayer and learning from Scripture while not having to care for a spouse and children allows you to concentrate on how best to serve Him and those around you. If you are not currently blessed with a spouse and/or children, you are not less than, you are not being punished by God, and you are not stuck in a waiting period. There is plenty of work to do. You can glorify God at any point in your life if your heart is fully devoted to Him.

The goal of life is not to be married; the goal of life is to serve God wholeheartedly no matter what season you are in. Those who are single are not exempt, and those with families of their own are not done. Let’s remember that we are all called to be lights of the world.

Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

Matthew 5:16

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